Old Bars and Renewed Hopes
by BBAKaizer21
Summary: Christmastime and Kai’s feeling very much alone in the world. But a few of the simple things of life reminds him that nothing is as bad as it seems you just have to look for the light.


I know it's January, but I wrote this early in December, forgot about it, and just re-discovered it a few days ago.

Summary: Christmastime and Kai's feeling very much alone in the world. But a few of the simple things of life reminds him that nothing is as bad as it seems; you just have to look for the light.

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade. I wrote this when listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which I also don't own (just so you know).

Kai looked through the cigarette haze wafting through the still air of the small bar; the old neon sign outside not stating a name. The Bladebreakers' captain was alone for Christmas; he had been for most of his life. The other members of the team were with family or on their way to visit friends. Kai, however, had no-one. The single person he was related to by blood was a power-hungry madman who only wanted to rule the world with BitBeasts. Kai suppressed a shudder. Not exactly someone he wanted to spend time with.

The Russian ordered a glass of his favorite beer, deciding against vodka. He didn't wish to wake up Christmas Day with a hangover. As he sat on his barstool, his thoughts wandered.

_Why is it that everyone loves Christmas?_ He asked himself, taking a sip. _It's purely commercial, not really a holiday._ Kai stared into his drink, pondering why his words seemed to ring false, even to him. _Everyone says that Christmas is a time for loving our brother and caring for strangers, so why do we get caught up in a cycle of gift-giving and receiving. People pride themselves on giving gifts, but do they really do it without a thought?_ He drained the rest of his glass.

A song drifted across the room and Kai smiled sadly to himself; it was the one Tyson and Max had made the entire team sing when the two had insisted on going caroling a year ago.

Kai paid for his drink and walked outside, putting on his coat, his scarf already in place. He didn't know where he was going, just that he suddenly felt like escaping the nostalgia that was as thick as the smoke that seeped into everything.

His steps turned to blocks, which turned into miles, the miles then becoming an eternity, memories of days gone by darting through his mind, pale snow swirling around him, erasing his footsteps.

Kai realized he had walked into the park on the outskirts of town. He stopped in the shadow of a tree as a boy and his younger sister played in the snow, both squealing happily. Their parents called them back and the pair ran to be scooped up by their father, who swung them around and around. The man delivered the girl into his wife's arms with a kiss on the head and set the boy down, tickling him mercilessly until his son had tears rolling down his cheeks through his giggles. Kai watched them enviously, eyes narrowing into glinting slits. He strode away, sharp tears threatening to push their way into the cold air.

When he could no longer hear or see the happiness that made him curse his grandfather for stealing his childhood, Kai looked up, leaning against the bench's back. From where he sat, a star in the night sky was positioned so that it seemed to top a nearby tree, much like the one that had been on the Bladebreakers' Christmas tree a few years back. He had been volunteered to put it on, seeing as he was the tallest. As Kai stared at the tree, he could almost see the ornaments Ray had bought at Tyson and Max's insistences. Even Kenny had been dragged into the project of decorating, being forced to drape silver and gold strings of glittering tinsel over the branches. Kai remembered finding a cross-shaped ornament and having it snatched from his hands by Tyson.

_I've always had to believe in God; faith was the only thing that kept me sane in the Abbey._ Kai shuddered in spite of himself. _But now I'm not so sure. If there is a great Being up there, then why did it let all those kids suffer in the Abbey and Moscow's many orphanages?_ _I guess_ _we all give our lives up for things that may not even exist or are beyond our grasping fingers._ Kai thought viciously. He didn't realize he had gotten to his feet and begun walking again until he heard a choir's singing flitting through the air.

Kai followed the sound until he found its source; a small church set back in a yard of its own, away from the hustle and bustle of the main street. Tonight, the wrought iron gates were wide open, inviting strangers to enter. Its stained windows, glowing softly yet brightly, drew Kai in like a moth to a flame.

Once inside, Kai was hit with the full force of the choir's song. He sat at the back, not wanting to be seen, and closed his eyes. He loved music, though he had heard little of it when he was young. Voices in harmony made his heart slow in time with the music. It was as though in the one note, when total and complete balance was reached, the world and its burdens melted away.

When the song had ended, Kai opened his eyes almost hopefully to see if the choir was going to sing again. He allowed himself a smile when he saw the conductor, a chubby little woman with short hair, raise her arms. He watched as her choir took a collective breath before beginning a song called '_Night of Silence_' according to the program he found on the pew's seat-cushion. Kai looked around the chapel as the music and words washed over his tired mind, numbing the painful memories contained within.

The stained-glass windows each had a row of numerous small candles, all lit, on the inside windowsill, were tall and imposing, yet the light of the candles made them appear somewhat friendlier. _No wonder they glowed_. He thought distractedly, eyes moving to the other people in the church.

A pew in front of him, a balding old man sat with his head bowed, a string of beads with a cross hanging from one end was clasped in his hands, lips mouthing silent words. Kai tucked the image away for later reference, keen to figure out what it was; he had never seen a rosary before. A few pews ahead of the man on the other side of the church, a woman and her husband sat together, her head on his shoulder, eyes gazing up at him devotedly, the man looking back just as lovingly.

Kai's gaze roamed to the choir itself as they began another song; _Hark the Herald Angels Sing_, the program told him; the end of their concert.

The choir was made up of only girls, each member dressed in a black dress that reached her feet. Some of the dressed looked like they had hemmed their dress with tape, but no one seemed to mind. With each song they sang, the choir seemed to get better and better. The mixture of deep and high was perfect, and all the girls looked like they had fallen into a kind of trance. No longer did they look at the conductor with desperation in their eyes; rather, they were relaxed and calm. Kai knew the feeling they felt as if from a dream, or else a long-forgotten memory. It was the sensation that had not touched his heart in a long, long time; peace, both inner and outer.

As the last note of the piano faded, Kai silently willed the girls to continue, almost desperate to hear the perfect sound of their voices blending again. It was as though they had awoken something in him, a kind of hope. He did not care if the concert had reached its end, just wanting to hear them once more.

As if in answer to his prayer, a bell chimed and was joined by another, then another, each after the other. Higher-pitched bells joined the first ones. Kai had almost recognized the song when the sopranos began to sing.

"Hark to the bells, high sounding bells, joyful they ring, born is the King!" rang in the air as the altos opened their mouths and sang alone but for the bells, "O how they chime, sound with a rhyme, be of good cheer, Christmas is here!" Then the two parts of the choir began their glorious harmony, the sopranos singing on top of the altos, but never overpowering them. The bells' sweet-sounding chimes continued throughout the entire song, which Kai realized was a version of _Carol of the Bells_ he hadn't heard before.

On the last note the girls sang, a single bell chimed and lingered in the cold air, eventually fading away into nothing, yet somehow still remaining and ringing in Kai's mind. His heart beat slowly, almost painfully, as he watched them walk down the isle, their expressions both sad that it was over and excited at what they had done at the same time. Lastly, their conductor followed them, too proud for words. Kai got to his feet before she passed him, making it known that he wished to speak to her.

"Did you enjoy our concert?" Kai nodded wordlessly. She beamed at him. He forced himself not to wince at the motherly affection in the woman's eyes as she looked at her choir over his shoulder. How he had longed for someone to look at him the same way many years ago!

"You should make a CD." The Blader handed her a cream business card.

"Who do I say sent me?" She asked, not looking at it. Kai carefully printed his name on the back of the card, making sure that even the elderly man could have read it with ease, before handing it back. She took it, read it, and stared.

"_J-Jones!_ But they're the best in the country!" She sputtered and looked around, but Kai was already out the door and around the corner. His throat was tight with the lasting peace that came from doing a random act of kindness. He got his cell phone out and dialed a number.

"Hello, Jones' Recording Company. How may I help you?"

"This is Kai Hiwatari speaking. If a," Kai checked the program. "Mrs. Cols calls about a recording job, all expenses are to be paid from my bank account." He gave the woman his account number and hung up before she could say anything else.

Kai found himself humming the traditional _Carol of the Bells _as he went into a store and bought two boxes of hot chocolate mix. If the old theory that both chocolate and love healed all wounds had any truth in it, he would need a lot of the stuff this Christmas. He was in short supply of love, but chocolate was something he could get fairly easily.

As he looked up at the sky, he found that he was no longer desperate for a meaning behind his broken past, but simply admiring the stars that seemed to smile down on him, twinkling brightly like shards of crystal.

Feeling happier than he had in a long time, Kai walked home.


End file.
